29th July 2012
I haven’t been on Tumblr in such a long time, feels weird even writing this, I’ve lost so many followers it’s untrue ahah oh well, fuck it.
I don’t feel like myself at the moment, it’s like there is something that is keeping me down yet I don’t even know what it is. Also words can’t even begin to explain how scared I am for my future, I feel as though I am just going to become a failure and that’s honestly the last thing that I want. I know that nobody wants to fail in life but I genuinely can’t afford to fail. I don’t want to let down anybody, especially not my family, I know how much it would destroy my family if I became nothing. Wow, I don’t know, seems so unreal that I’m even growing up, I feel as though I’m too young to go to college, too young to start my life, because that’s what it is, more responsibility, more work, it’s basically the start to the rest of my life and I know that I’m not ready.
There’s also something missing in my life, I don’t know what it is but I just know that something is missing, it feels as though I can’t move forward because something is holding me back, or as though there is some unfinished business that I need to get to, sounds fucked up but I don’t know how to explain it. I just really want to get my life back on track because it feels like I’ve been pretty much off the rails at the moment. I’ve also pretty much drifted away from everybody who has ever meant anything to me and I have absolutely no idea how to get them back, I also knew that leaving high school behind was going to be hard but I underestimated how difficult it would be to know that the relationships that were built between people were just going to be forgotten, realistically nothing is ever going to be the same again and the sooner I realise that the better, it just means that I can move on faster.
I should probably go and do something productive with my day instead of just wasting my time eating cookies and watching Gossip Girl, although it is really addictive so it’s cool, I don’t even care what anyone says I’m completely and utterly hooked on it and it has an amazing story line, also, BLAIR AND CHUCK NEED TO BE TOGETHER, and if they don’t end up together by the end of season 6 I will never watch Gossip Girl again, well that’s a lie actually, I probably will, but I will watch season 3 over and over again and think of the good old days ahah.